How To Build Trust With Your Dog by The Dog Decoder

In order to build trust with your dog, you must be trustworthy. What does that mean? It means, you are consistent therefore predictable, kind, understand that dogs have emotions and express them through behavior and importantly, you are aware of your own emotions and behavior while interacting with your dog.

The foundation of our relationship with dogs begins with trust in that we will provide a safe and secure environment. Dr. Kathy Murphy, owner of Barking Brains, a neuroscientist who specializes in brain development in respect to behaviors and the success (or lack thereof) of training methods in different life stages put it this way;

“Essentially trust is a prediction. I trust you to have my back = I predict you will always have my back. Trust is essential for social species, otherwise we waste so much brain energy preparing to deal with all the possible outcomes on our own.” https://www.facebook.com/neuroscienceisawesome/ 

We often only think of trust when it comes to a fearful, traumatized or abused dog but that’s one obvious aspect of the concept of trust. Trust is established when the dog feels safe to be a dog, do what dogs do, when they can communicate, and feel understood and heard. When we know how to read dog body language we can see when a dog is stressed, frightened, shut down, over excited and only then can we help them by offering safety and security, in the moment. We can do this by allowing them to process their emotions while accepting their behavior as an expression of emotion and then, offer them relief.

Trust isn’t only broken by abuse or neglect, it can be more subtle and nuanced. It often goes unnoticed by the guardian but not at all, by the dog. When my Rottweiler, Leela became ill, she showed signs of pain way before the illness became glaringly apparent to me. She was almost two years old, robust and strong, yet she started to not want to get in my van. At first I thought it was because it was hot after being closed up in the sun, then I started to pay closer attention. She kind of thought about it, navigating how she could make the leap into the van, which was telling because, as I said, she flew into the van, often not taking the two steps to get in, just leaping over them. This went on for a few days, while I continued to observe her in every other area of life, as this seemed to be the only place I saw hesitancy. I often see people getting mad at their dogs when they don’t just hop into their car in a timely manner and continue to get frustrated, as the dog is trying to process how they will do this. Pain in dogs that goes unnoticed is one way we can deplete our trust account. Even if we don’t get upset with them, in the moment, they are trying to tell us something and we are missing it and this is depleting our trust account.

Ways to build trust in our dogs

Dog Body Language:

Observation is key to learning how to read dog body language and it will help you understand them better. Noticing an atypical or unfamiliar behavior in your dog is how your dog is trying to tell you something. Are they in pain, feel fearful, anxious about something in their immediate environment, confused by what you’re asking? Instead of getting frustrated, you can ask yourself, what’s going on here, why is she acting this way? When you stop and ask those questions, you are better equipped to help your dog either by managing the environment, going to a veterinarian, stopping play with another dog who may be causing this behavior and by doing so your dog will know that you have her back. Learning dog body language is required to accurately interpret their behavior which will safeguard dogs welfare and help to minimize development of anxiety related behavioral issues.

Consistency:

Being consistent offers a dog predictability which fosters trust. Routine is one way to be consistent and I don’t mean, same time, same place, I do mean training, feeding, play, walks, happen daily but not necessarily at an exact time, just so the dog can depend on you to care for them physically, mentally and emotionally helps them to feel safe. Making sure your interactions with your dog are consistent in the manner of how you approach them, talk to them, teach them, play with them, etc. again offers them a sense of safety and security. They can trust you to be compassionate and kind in your interactions, so they don’t have to be worried or surprised that you may yell at them, forget to feed them or put them in a situation that may cause them anxiety.

Awareness:

Ever notice when you ask your dog to do something and they stop and look at you? Some may think they are being defiant but how about we look at this from a different lens. We have just had a lovely time playing with our dog, realize we are late for an appointment and tell them to Come in a hurried way and they don’t. They just look at us. Normally, they come right along with us but this time, they freeze. If we get mad, now because they didn’t respond to our abrupt way of being, we have broken their trust. If, instead we are aware of who we’re being we will see that they are confused with the abruptness of our tone when stopping our play time. Seeing this through their perspective will help us realize who we’re being, taking a minute to gather ourselves, will lower our energy and soften our tone and body language; this alone will let the dog know all is well and they’ll happily come along with you. Don’t underestimate their innate ability to pay attention to our every move.

Positive reinforcement:

We have come a long way in understanding dogs, the ethology of dogs and that their behaviors are a manifestation of their emotions. With this understanding, we know that punishment isn’t the way to help them with their emotions. The science is there. Punishment doesn’t offer relief. It only makes a dog shut down and quickly they learn we aren’t trustworthy because we didn’t help them feel safe, we punished them, instead. Offering safety, because we understand they are expressing some kind of emotion, tells them we are trying to understand they are experiencing some anxiety and we have their back.

Safety and Security:

Creating a safe environment inside and outside the home happens when we understand each dog is an individual with her own feelings and needs and doing our best to meet those needs. I often see guardians living with multiple dogs and lumping them all into everything they do, not realizing that one dog may not feel safe walking with another dog, eating too close to the other dogs, being left alone in the same room with all the dogs, prefers to stay home than go on outings, etc. Being aware of the individual needs of dogs goes a long way to building trust.

Patience:

Dogs are not robots and not all dogs want or need what we think is important. Whether we are training, playing, walking, we must be aware of our own level of patience or lack thereof. We are the dogs whole world and they look forward to being with us, interacting with us, learning together but if we have an agenda, we are not thinking about them, their desires and needs in the moment. This can easily deplete our trust account. Having patience means you are allowing them to process not only their environment but also what we are asking of them. Don’t rush, give them a chance to participate or not, in their time. Consent is critical in all aspects of being with dogs.

Agency:

Offering agency gives the dog a sense of freedom to choose. Given that everything they do, going potty, eating, sleeping, exercising, playing, learning, etc. happens on our terms, it’s important to allow them choice/agency to participate or not. We can only know this if we are paying attention to what they’re saying, allowing them to feel their emotions, process their emotions which gives them the opportunity to develop healthy coping skills because they feel safe in the moment. When a dog feels they have an exit or a way out of any situation, they feel safer. Feeling safer builds trust.

Andrew Hale, certified dog behaviorist in the UK https://www.trainpositive.co.uk has brought so much to the dog community with his continued conversation about dog centered care, an approach that shines a light on the emotions of dogs and how we can help them. He says

Trust cannot be ‘bought’, forced or artificially created. It is an organic process that builds, and does so quickly when one feels safe.

Building trust in our dogs is not a simple task yet it’s our responsibility to take it seriously. When we affirm that dogs’ are our best friends’; we must allow them to be vulnerable, therefore feel safe with us, thereby setting a solid foundation of trust. Nothing compares to the deeply shared gazes we experience with our dogs when we offer them the safety and security to ‘be a dog.’